You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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