garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just found puke in my bra..
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
