too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
