party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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