Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
