She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
