the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
