sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
