I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
