I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
