i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Is it because I queefed?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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