So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
