Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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