I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
