Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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