They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
