I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
