Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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