cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
