is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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