Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
