just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
