white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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