Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Randomize
