I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Enjoy the penises
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
