theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
