Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
