Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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