i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize