shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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