So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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