I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize