i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
