I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
