Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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