so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
