i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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