Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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