I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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