Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
