There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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