do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
