i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
