It's Friday. Sex?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
