3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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