someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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