it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
