pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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