I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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