I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I have already put on my inside pants.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
