Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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