That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
