Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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