He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
