i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
