so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
