Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize