Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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