and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
