New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Farmville is her only friend.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
