Sry I called you an 8
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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