before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
