The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
