Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
