some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
no, he came in my armpit
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
