Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
