I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
