Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
