I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
