Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
