Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
