One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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